Closing the book

The day we found out about Daddy's cancer, I was working. Like normal, I bustling about, head down, plowing through. I can't remember the exact chain of events, but I'm pretty sure I was rude to Mama during at least one phone call that day.  I know Mama called and told me the doctors had found a spot on Daddy's lung and 3 on his brain. In hope/fear I assumed that they were fatty masses or something along those lines. I definitely didn't let the 'c' word enter into my mind.

Later in the day, on the phone with Mama again, I asked "they're just masses, right?" To which she replied "No David."

I quickly made some excuse to get off the phone. I stepped out of my office, across the hall, and locked myself in the bathroom. I went as far away from the door as possible, and completely broke down. Right there at work. Which to me, previously, would have been mortifying.

I gathered myself, made sure no one could tell what I'd been doing, and went back to work, as nothing had happened. It's what he would have wanted.

                                                                                                                                                                   

And I think that's the last story about Daddy's battle with cancer for awhile.

Sure there are many more things I could talk about. Like the first day I saw him after the diagnosis and we didn't talk about his cancer. About the last words we passed. The dream I had about him after his mind started going.  My feeling that he waited for us to get moved in and mostly unpacked before he let go of this mortal coil.

But for now, I'm done. I've said enough. I've had closure and made my peace. In fact, I had done so before I started the blog. I spent several nights writing things down, just so that I could get them out of my head and heart.

He'll come up again, I'm sure. This blog is mostly about my life experiences and opinions and our parents inform those to large degree. I hope that the sharing of my experience has helped some of you. And really, anyone who wants to talk/email/text, etc about dealing with loss, I'm open for it.